She is my testimony of God placing exactly who you need, exactly when you need them.

It was another hot morning in Tucson, AZ, and I was at the church exercising with my companion. 

Part of the daily schedule of a missionary is to work out for 30 minutes every day! It was one of my favorite things… because I would dance <3 

Without fail, every single morning, I would reground myself through movement. 

It was always nice enough at 7am to stay outside, so we would go to the church and I would dance on the concrete sidewalk while my comp ran circles around me! 

It was secretly a way to make me feel a little bit closer to home… because I had danced in my concrete garage for years to train as a competitive dancer.

It made me feel a little bit more like me in a reality that I was still adjusting to. 

Except this morning was different. 

I started my first transfer in the field genuinely dancing every single morning. My MTC comp was also a competitive dancer, and we would do technique and deep stretching daily in Mexico. I decided to continue that in AZ! But 3 weeks into the field, and the most I could do was sit on the ground and stretch my muscles. 

Some mornings, I would just lay down and breathe. 

Because during those 3 weeks, a war began inside of my body, and I couldn't do more without feeling completely exhausted and dizzy. 

No matter how I fueled myself, no matter how much water I drank… even just walking made my muscles scream. 

Something was terribly wrong, but I was determined to continue my missionary service!! Because this is where God needed me, and being anywhere else was not an option in my book.

Plus, I’ve always had a high pain tolerance… what’s a little bit of exhaustion, right? That’s just the missionary life!

We got home from working out, and a migraine slowly started making an appearance. We began our day…. showering, eating, hopping on calls and visiting a few friends. During our lunch break we made time for our personal study. Except my migraine had grown worse and I was holding back tears trying not to puke or pass out. 

My companion did her personal study, while I laid on my bed for an hour with a bag of frozen veggies on my head and a heating pad on my stomach. I just needed an hour, and then I would be able to get up and go to our next appointment. 

Well, an hour flew by and I still was not okay. But guess what! I was a missionary. I was the Lord's hands, and He needed me to help find His sheep. It didn't matter how I was feeling! What mattered was doing His work. So of course I was going to get up and push through the rest of the day. 

I have always been a very stubborn soul, especially when I have made my mind up about something. This wasn’t the first time I had to push through this extreme of sickness, but it was the last time my companion was okay with it. She had watched me for weeks slowly deteriorate with my physical health, and in this instance she could tell my strength faltered a little bit. I wasn’t quite as confident in my ability to push through again. I was tired. 

One thing I loved about my companion is she never questioned my capability of serving. She learned very quickly that yes, I’m stubborn, but I am also strong. And intentional. And every single day I woke up with the intention to be the best missionary I could be… no matter how I felt. I would always do it! And she trained me and taught me how to do so.

But for whatever reason, today was the day that she questioned it. 

“No, I’m not puking yet, let’s go visit her. I’ll be okay!” …. Except I really was in tears at the thought of pushing through the rest of the day, and she could tell. After talking, I told her she could decide if we were going to cancel or go. I didn’t want to say I wasn’t okay. I also didn’t want to be the reason we couldn’t see our friends. 

She sat there, looked at me for a while, and then picked up the phone to cancel the rest of our appointments. Then hopped on a call with the president's wife and told her what was going on, and they started game planning a way to help me. 

I sat there, and cried. 

For hours. 

Because this wasn’t supposed to be happening… 

I had been chronically ill for years! It took me 2 years to get out on my mission for this exact reason, and I was okay to go! I was more than capable of pushing through and confident that I would be able to. I had worked so hard to get here, and here I was… not even a full transfer into the field and my body was not stabilizing. I had never been so determined to heal, yet still had everything working against me. It was heartbreaking. I was doing absolutely everything I could to be better. 

The following few weeks included doctors appointments, blood draws, and deep breaths to get through. But it also included meeting some of the coolest friends, multiple baptisms, and miracles every single day!! God was seeing our efforts, and He was working miracles through us. It was the coolest thing. 

I talked with president for weeks about the potential of coming home. Once all of my results came back and everything was “normal”,  but I was still deteriorating, we decided I would need more in-depth testing and would not be able to receive the support I would need while still on my mission. After a lot of prayer, surrender, tears, and fear… I came home. And am now halfway through a very intense treatment to finally heal and be free of the illness that has ruled my life for the past 4 years. 

God is working, and I am slowly healing. 

But like I said… 

she is my testimony of God placing exactly who you need, exactly when you need them. 

Hermana picked up the phone and advocated for me. She told me no- you are not okay- and helped me get the help I needed. She was at every single doctor appointment, on every single phone call (sometimes talking for me because her care for me would just rush out when she would get worked up loll), and she felt all of the emotions with me. Partially because she had to as my companion, but I also know she would’ve even if she wasn’t obligated. 

She was my strength when I felt like I had nothing left, and she is who saved me when I wasn't willing to save myself.

I absolutely adore Hermana Larsen, and will forever be grateful for the 6 weeks I had her!

I didn’t just have an amazing trainer, but I had an amazing friend who fought for me and helped me get through one of the hardest seasons of life <3

AND SHE GETS HOME NEXT MONTH!! 

I can’t wait to hug her. 

Not only was she an answer to prayer when I needed her, but every single soul I have met since being home has also been a testament to me that God sees.

It’s like His timing is perfect or somethin ;) 

I sometimes forget that every person on this earth is Child of God. As a missionary, it was easy to remember! That was our focus every single day! But now being home, I cross paths with hundreds of people every day and I rarely take the time to love them. Very different change of pace then when I was on my mission. I want to be better at that this year!! - loving and talking to everyone I am lucky enough to cross paths with. 

Because there is something beautiful about individuality. 

Individual looks, 

Individual lifestyles, 

Individual feelings, 

Individual souls. 

No one is exactly alike, and it creates such a colorful world. It speaks to the majesty that God is, and I am convinced that there is something to learn from everyone!

He wouldn’t have placed them on this earth, at this time, without a reason. 

I want to make the most of it. 

So here’s to more connection, more healing, and more trust that whatever God's plan is, will be better than I could ever imagine. Patience is a virtue, but patience with God is a blessing.

Xoxo, Lil <3