To Believe & To Know

August 26th, 2023:

“I feel my soul is in havoc.

I’m not sure why, I’m not sure how, but there’s this urge of anxiety within my core.

I don’t know if it’s a beneficial anxiety or if it’s one that will torment me till it’s done with it’s stay…

it’s just there.

And the temple is the only place that keeps that urge at bay.

I got off work about an hour and a half ago and came to the temple right after. I was trying to come up with a million reasons to stay inside after I was done with baptisms. I couldn’t, unless I went into the waiting room, but there’s a wedding currently going on and I didn’t want to get in the way of people waiting for their family. So I’m sitting outside on the grounds! And it’s an absolutely beautiful day.

But I can’t help but think what’s causing the havoc…

and I’ve concluded that I’m just grateful for the knowledge I have.

That knowledge allows me to be inside the temple. That knowledge allows my heart to yearn for Christ. That knowledge has taught me how to build and maintain relationships with the Father and the Son, and that knowledge teaches me of their love and sacrifice.

I’ve had a lot of experiences recently talking about beliefs. I’ve had safe places to share mine, as well as others with theirs, and it’s made me ponder the truth.

Specifically with Indi:

There was a conversation we had about believing vs. knowing and it has stuck with me ever since!

Do I believe in the gospel and it’s truth or do I know that it’s true?

Indi said he thinks faith is something you believe- we weren’t there when the bible was written, we’ve never seen Christ in person, there’s no proof- so it’s just a belief.

I agree!

I definitely do- with the perspective at least. I understand it and know that’s technically how I could view my faith, too.

But.

Tell me why,

whenever I say I know the gospel is true, my soul sings in beautiful harmony.

It does when I say I believe (because you can’t have faith without belief), but it SINGS and urges me to shout it from the rooftops every time I do. Because the JOY that this gospel allows you to feel is so pure. And unique. And full of love. And designed in a way that is exactly the man I imagine God to be,

How could I possibly say I don’t know it’s true when my entire being responds exactly the way it does when I feel Christ’s presence near?!

Because I have! And I do. And it seems fitting to me that my feelings are what testify of its truth.

God knows I’m a human who feels.

Not just feels the wind on my face, but the deep emotions within myself and others. I feel consuming joy and heartbreak and fear and love not only within myself, but when I look into others’ eyes too.

I feel all their emotions as my own!

And that is how Christ teaches me.

He always has :)

Through emotions.

And I’ve felt and I’ve learned and He has taught me that this gospel that I believe? It is undeniably true just like His love for me. And pure. And genuine. And unique.

This gospel is full of love- just how I imagine God would be.

I know that my church is a target for ridicule, and mocking, and doubt, and slander, and hate.

It can make it hard to say I’m a member sometimes.

But then I remember: who is the creator of those things? Satan. Through and through. And he wouldn’t be pushing against something so hard if he didn’t feel that way about it too.

God is the only one he truly hates.

But guess what. I choose God’s side, no matter how hard, no matter how judged, no matter the cost.

I LOVE hearing others beliefs and hearing the truth Christ has shared with them too. And having Godly people on my side <3

But this gospel.

This organized church that I am apart of…

it is GOD’S church.

And I am proud to say that it is.

So yes! I believe that it is true. Always and forever. But I also KNOW that it is true… and will take that with me into the eternities <3”